It's About Time

Sad, sad Barry.It took 22 seasons and a lot of soul-searching, but Barry Bonds has finally admitted he is an embarrassment to the game.

The controversial San Francisco Giants slugger's only hit this week came when he nailed a laundry cart, flipping it to the ground in a frustrated fit after going 0-for-5 on Sunday. He is hitless in 20 straight at-bats.

At his locker, he told reporters:

"It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this [fucking] uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now go away."
Bonds is hitting .279 with 17 homers and 42 RBIs this season and is only 5 career home runs away from passing 's all-time record of 756. However, Barry hasn't homered since July 3rd.

[MSNBC] | []

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Crack kills, Neifi.Neifi Perez is busted.

Batting .179 with 1 home run and 6 RBIs, Perez was busted for a positive stimulant test Friday and will begin serving his 25-game suspension immediately.

How awesome are the Detroit Tigers? Besides the use of uppers among unproductive utility infielders, they finish each other's sentences!

"Rules are rules. You break the rules..." Magglio Ordonez said.

"You pay," Carlos Guillen finished, followed by a high-five and nod from Mags.

[Detroit Free Press] | []

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But What Will My Wife Wear?

Cynthia's wardrobeAlex Rodriguez is undecided on whether he would like to participate in the All-Star game this Tuesday.

The New York Yankees superstar third baseman, who leads the majors with 28 homers and 80 RBIs, was a fan favorite among voting, topping the scale with 3.89 million tallies.

This may be in light of his recent hamstring strain, but sources say A-Rod is worried what Mrs. Rod will adorn at the festivities.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[NY Post] | [Armchair GM]

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Throwing Punches Instead of Pitches

'I was t-t-told I c-c-c-could listen to m-m-my music at a r-reason-reasonable v-volume.'Roman Colon, a Toldeo Mud Hens righty, was indicted by a grand jury for the June 12th assault of teammate Jason Karnuth.

According to Karnuth's wife, who filed the police report, Colon punched the pitcher when he tried to break up an argument between Colon and others in the clubhouse over loud music coming from Roman's iPod.

Note to our male readers: a good way to display a lack of balls is to have your wife file a police report against the dude who punched you in the face.

I wanna punch this guy in the face just looking at him.Especially if it's this guy. According to the indictment, the 31-year-old Colon is charged with one count of felonious assault and could face up to eight years in prison if convicted, which isn't likely.

Karnuth did need to undergo a four-hour procedure to fix his beautiful nose, however. He had three titanium plates inserted into his face along with nine screws and some wire to keep the plates and bone fragments in place.

Colon, who is currently rehabbing from neck surgery, was also suspended by the Detroit Tigers for seven days for his role in the incident.

[Detroit Free Press] | [Can't Stop The Bleeding] | [Lion In Oil] | [The Fanhouse]

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Elijah Dukes Would Like You To Recognize

In a convincing attempt to confirm the fact that he needs to be put away for good, troubled Tampa Bay Devil Rays outfielder Elijah Dukes called Ron and Ian's Radio Show on .

He starts by asking listeners to look into his estranged wife's background, because the house she grew up in was small and now she has a big one due to his generosity.

Also, he claims to know nothing of crack cocaine... except that you can turn $100 worth of crack into $200 of crack in da hood, dawg.

Just listen. It's ridiculous.

[Hat tip, ] | []

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Blah Blah Blackmail

Will Jason Giambi talk?
My mom was visiting yesterday and we were watching the news together when a short segment on Jason Giambi's recent discussion with commissioner Bud Selig aired.

After learning that the slugger would be suspended if he didn't cooperate with the investigation, she put a different spin on it. "I don't even know who this guy is, but it sounds to me like he's being black-mailed," she said.

Hmm. Interesting point, moms.

'I'm gonna get you roid-heads!'On the 6th of June, Selig told Giambi that he wanted him to meet with MLB's steroid investigation spearhead, former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell within two weeks and to "cooperate fully" with the probe, which began last year in March.

Selig would then make a disciplinary decision on the New York Yankees DH after he named names "completed his activities" with Mitchell and that Giambi's list of names "level of cooperation" would be taken into account.

The players' association said Giambi, currently on the disabled list with a foot injury, would make his decision after consulting with his lawyer and the union.

[USA Today] | []

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Innocent!The farmer who accused Juan Uribe of shooting him last year in the Dominican Republic received a payment settlement from the Chicago White Sox shortstop Monday, ending legal action against him.

Apparently, Uribe paid $25,500. Whether he was involved in the shooting or not is unknown, but it's over and Uribe's name has been cleared.

Antonio Gonzalez Perez claimed that Uribe shot him (in the elbow) and an Italian man on Oct. 13th when the two walked a little too close to Uribe's jeep after an argument.

Uribe has maintained his innocence, claiming that he was falsely accused due to his celebrity status in his native Dominican Republic. He said at different times, messengers were sent to his house demanding more than $900,000.

He never had to sit in jail and missed only the first two days of spring training due to the legal trouble.

[Chicago Tribune] | [The Fanhouse]

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Ozzie Guillen says that MLB's steroid probe is unjustly focused on Latino players.
Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen thinks the steroids investigation is unfairly targeting Latino players after officials interviewed him last season and apparently, repeatedly focused their questioning on players from Latin America.

"I meet with, like, five people," Guillen spouted yesterday. "The only thing that made me upset was they tried to mention too many Latino players. I think they try to put the Latinos to be the bad cloud in this thing. This thing was bugging me because everything they asked me [was], 'Do you ever see this in Venezuela?'"
Guillen added that asking whether players were importing steroids from their native countries was unfair, since BALCO is based in California.

Former Senate Majority Leader and spearhead of the BALCO investigation, said in a statement Thursday that the probe is not focused on any one player or on any group or category of players, such as players of Latin American descent.

Guillen said he's "100%" against steroid use but that it's "not [his] business" if others take them.

Whether this is relevant or not, an Associated Press review in 2005 determined that half of the players suspended that year were born in Latin America.

[Chicago Sun-Times] | []

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Happy Birthday! I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass!

I'm gonna kick Barrett's ass.Who needs an opponent when you can just fight each other?

Carlos Zambrano and his battery mate, Michael Barrett shoved each other in the dugout before Big Z busted the catcher's lip in the clubhouse so badly that Barrett wound up in the hospital.

Aaaaaand the Cubs lost 8-5 to the Atlanta Braves.

Zambrano, a rather large man, was seen pointing to his head and yelling at the catcher in the dugout before the bottom half, while Barrett pointed toward the field. Shoving ensued and Zambrano - Thursday being his 26th birthday - cocked his right fist as they were being separated.

I'm gonna kick Zambrano's ass.Lou Piniella, not to be outdone, told Zambrano to take a cold shower and go home before the manager returned to the dugout. Just moments later, a clubhouse attendant whispered something into Piniella's ear and Derrek Lee jumped up and headed into the tunnel, with Piniella and pitching coach Larry Rothschild close behind.

Turns out, the beating continued in the clubhouse, where Barrett pretty much got his ass kicked: two black eyes and a busted mouth, which needed stitches.

Both players will be disciplined for their idiocy and seriously, I hope Barrett will think hard next time he considers a passed ball.

See the video on SOX & Dawgs!

[Awful Announcing] | [MLB.com] | []

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So, Do We Get Another Apology? (Updated)

Jason Giambi: busted.
New York Yankees' designated hitter Jason Giambi has had a hell of a week.

Somewhere between admitting that he used steroids and calling for an MLB apology to the fans, he failed to mention that he was busted using other drugs, as well.

so angry and amped up.That's right. The Giambino flunked an amphetamines test earlier this year, which is the reason behind his additional drug testing.

It's really too bad that an initial failed test is kept confidential, seeing as how Giambi is set to meet with representatives from the commissioner's office as soon as tomorrow. Of course, he declined to comment before last night's loss to the rival Red Sox, saying, "I can't really talk about anything." His agent also would not comment.

Giambi has formed quite a history since joining the Yankees in 2001.

  • He testified before a federal grand jury in 2003 concerning his connection to the BALCO steroid controversy.

  • He has never publicly failed a steroid test since the results from anonymous "survey" testing in 2003 were never released. However, when he testified before the BALCO grand jury, he admitted to extensive steroid use. That testimony was, of course published a year later by the .

  • In 2004, doctor's discovered a tumor in his pituitary gland, which was treated with corticosteroids - drugs which do essentially the opposite of anabolic steroids as they break down tissue and reduce inflammation. Apparently, he wanted to keep his use of them a secret because he was worried that his fans wouldn't get it.

  • This all led up to a 2005 press conference where he offered a vague apology for... doing something bad.

always with the weilding the bat and looking pissed off.Since Giambi has failed this test (along with ) he is subject to six additional tests for the next 365 days from the failed one.

This most recent apology may have been more calculated than we initially thought.
Will Giambi's contract be ripped to shreds? Will he be suspended? Shunned?

I'm guessing another press conference with Giambi seated comfortably next to Joe Torre, each in their own hot seat for another formal I'm Sorry, will set the world right again.

*Under baseball's amphetamines policy, which went into effect last season, a
player who fails a test the first time is not punished and the information
is kept confidential, but he can be tested six additional times within the
next year. After a second offense, the player is suspended for 25 games.

Update: According to Ian from SOX & Dawgs in the comments, the great Peter Gammons is claiming Giambi did not fail an amphetamines test. However, we will never really know for sure, since first failed test results are kept confidential. Also, there's the possibility that he actually didn't take greenies.

[] | [*MLB Testing Policy]

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Barry Bonds: not very friendly.If you're up for reading some total nonsense go to the Sports Illustrated website.

They held a poll to find out who 464 big league baseball players thought were the "friendliest" and "least friendly" players in the game.

You could probably guess in 000.2 seconds that Barry Bonds was voted the least friendly. That's a given. The picture they have of him however, is brilliant.

Joe Mauer is Minnesota nice.Now, to the bullcrap. The friendliest baseball player in the world is not only not Joe Mauer, he's not even on the list.

"Hi. I'm Joe Mauer. I befriended a blind kid at Cretin-Derham Hall and walked him to and from class everyday because I'm just that type of guy. Plus, I have awesome sideburns and I'm friends with Hall of Famer ".
Does it get any friendlier? Oh, apparently it does.

I guess all you need to do to be viewed as MLB's friendliest ballplayer is to play in one of the un-friendliest cities in the country and walk around 24/7 with a goofy-ass look on your face.

Sean CaseySean CaseySean Casey

[] | [Hat tip, SOX & Dawgs]

*This post was not serious or meant to be harmful to Sean Casey or his fans.

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Blah Blah Steroids

Jason Giambi has admitted to past steroid use.
Jason Giambi has always had a big mouth. How big it is depends on how big the controversy he's spouting off about. Steroids in baseball is no secret, but the commissioner's office would rather not have it in the spotlight.

It's a little like Big Tobacco holding a Stop Teen Smoking Campaign: we know it's a problem, but let's pretend it's not. But let's also pretend we want everyone to think we think it's a problem.

Still with me?

Bud Selig and the players' association have held discussions about setting up a meeting with the slugger to discuss the steroid-related comments the New York Yankees' designated hitter made in Friday's USA Today, but as of this morning, no meeting had been scheduled.

"What we should have done a long time ago was stand up - players, ownership, everybody - and said: 'We made a mistake,'" Giambi said. "We should have apologized back then and made sure we had a rule in place and gone forward... Steroids and all of that was a part of history. But it was a topic that everybody wanted to avoid. Nobody wanted to talk about it."
Since baseball didn't ban steroids until late in the 2002 season, it would be nearly impossible to penalize him or any other player for any admitted use before that agreement.

[] | [Yankees Chick]

*Check out (one of our Season Ticket Holders) who put Sooze on the hot seat today with ...

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Lastings Milledge Is So Gangstuh

Lastings Milledge is livin it thug life in AAA. Sweet argyle vest, dude.
Injured New York Mets prospect Lastings Milledge has gotten himself into some trouble again, only this time it's for making a rap disc that uses those filthy words we don't generally use around Grandma.

One song in particular, "Bend Ya Knees" includes the use of the n-word and some derogatory language used to describe certain types of women who like to bend their knees a lot.

Mets GM Omar Minyana spoke with Milledge, currently rehabbing an injured right foot on the AAA New Orleans Zephyrs' DL, to let him know the team's opinion of his music. "We don't approve of the lyrics," he said.
Don't be a hater Omar!

Milledge went 0-for-3 in one appearance with the Mets before being sent to the minors on April 13th. In his rookie season, he hit .241 with four home runs and 22 RBIs in 166 at-bats. Impressive? Not so much.

Check out my ice.During that persuasive season, he ran into some trouble on and off the field. After hitting his first big league homer ever - a bomb that tied the game in the ninth against the San Francisco Giants - he had both dugouts rolling their eyes as he high-fived fans along the railing when he made his way back to his right field position.

He's also been in hot water for not running the bases hard enough and for showing up fashionably late for a day game. Near the end of the season, a sign was posted in his locker that said: Know your place, rook. Your teammates.

Maybe if Milledge had been jamming with the likes of Bernie Williams or Bronson Arroyo, it wouldn't be such a big deal...

[] | [Deadspin] | [Soul-Ja Boi Records]

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Seven Layers of hot taco lovin
Are you ready to put on that ball and chain? If so, you could have your marriage proposal sponsored by Taco Bell (exactly what your girlfriend has always dreamed of!) and hosted by a virtual big screen at the ballpark of your choice. The Grand Prize winner and six lucky runners up will also receive a year's supply of diarrhea delicious Taco Bell food.


So, if you like Tacos and you also like your girlfriend enough to marry her, then this is the deal for you.

Find out more here... sucker.

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Arizona Diamondbacks rookie Alberto Callaspo was arrested Thursday for allegedly beating his wife.

The 24-year-old utility infielder was taken into custody after a 911 call from his home around noon yesterday. His 22-year-old wife, Marianny Paola, had minor injuries.

On the advice of team president Derrick Hall, Callaspo did not fly to Houston with the D'Backs to begin a nine-game road trip today. However, facts are being gathered to determine exactly what went down and what action should be taken, if any, by the organization.

Alberto Callaspo was arrested yesterday afternoon for allegedly beating his wife.Callaspo is hitting .215 this season, and could possibly face a suspension, be put on the restricted list or optioned to the AAA Tucson Sidewinders for his actions.

[The Fan House] | [East Valley Tribune]

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Julio Mateo was sent down to AAA after being arrested the night before for beating his woman's face in.Seattle Mariners six-foot, 220-pound reliever Julio Mateo was arrested and charged with a third-degree assault charge Saturday after a dispute at a Manhattan hotel that left his girlfriend (wife?) with five stitches in her mouth. What a guy.

The 29-year-old Mateo turned himself in at a Manhattan police station early Saturday evening.

After Seattle's 8-1 loss last night, Mateo was sent down to the AAA Tacoma Rainiers. He was 1-0 with a 3.75 ERA in nine games this season.

Of course, "It has nothing to do with what has gone on," Mariners manager Mike Hargrove claimed. "It has everything to do with the fact that we were playing a man short today and we don't know anything about the situation as far as how long it's going to take or last."
Update: The Mariners have suspended Julio Mateo for 10 days for missing Saturday's game without permission. The suspension will cost him $54,645 of his $1 million salary this year.

[Seattle Post-Intelligencer] | [Baseball Musings]

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Hall of Famer Orlando Cepeda was busted with drugs in his car Tuesday.

Former San Francisco Giants star and Hall of Famer was stopped Tuesday afternoon when his Lexus was clocked at 83 mph in a 65 mph zone on Interstate 80 in Cordelia, CA.

The officer who approached the vehicle "smelled marijuana coming from the car" and started a search. The 69-year-old Cepeda was then arrested on suspicion of felony possession of a controlled substance after the officer found a powdery, white substance assumed to be cocaine, some pot and a syringe.

Of course, Cepeda's attorney, Ted Cassman claims "[Cepeda] does not use, and was not under the influence of any illegal substance." He went on to say, "This is an unfortunate misunderstanding, and we intend to meet promptly with the authorities to explain that Orlando was not responsible for any illegal substance in the car."
Cassman said the grass was medical marijuana used by a family member who has diabetes. When questioned about the white powder, Cassman said he had no specific comment.

Hall of Famer Orlando Cepeda was pulled over for speeding on Tuesday when an officer found drugs in his car.Alone at the time of the arrest, Cepeda was booked and released from the Solano County Jail on a $12,600 bond the same day.

Unfortunately for Cepeda's reputation, he works for the Giants as a community liaison and speaks to at-risk children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol.

After his playing career ended, Cepeda was convicted in 1976 in San Juan, Puerto Rico, of smuggling marijuana and sentenced to five years in prison. That conviction was likely the reason he was not elected to the Hall of Fame by the BBWAA - but was eventually elected by the Veterans Committee in 1999.

Cepeda was a .297 career hitter with 379 home runs and 1,365 RBIs over 17 big league seasons. As a seven-time All-Star first baseman, he was awarded the 1958 NL Rookie of the Year award with San Francisco and the NL MVP in 1967 with St. Louis. In 1961, he led the NL with 46 homers and 142 RBIs.

[San Francisco Chronicle] | [The Fanhouse]

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Ugueth Sentenced Wednesday

Watch out for this guy in a dark alley
Remember that psycho free agent pitcher Ugueth Urbina? He was sentenced to 14 years in prison for the attempted murder of five workers on his family's ranch on Wednesday.

He was also found guilty of illegal deprivation of liberty and taking justice into his own hands during an argument over a gun on Oct. 16, 2005.

The 32-year-old was accused of joining a group of men in attacking and injuring workers with machetes and pouring gasoline on them at his family's ranch, about 25 miles south of Caracas.

Urbina has repeatedly denied involvement with the attack, claiming he was asleep at the time.

As a two-time All-Star, Urbina last pitched in the big leagues with the Philadelphia Phillies in 2005. He's 30th on the all-time saves list with 237 and had two saves in the 2003 World Series for the winning Florida Marlins.

[San Diego Union Tribune]

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Uribe's Missed Hearing No Big Deal

A Dominican court postponed Friday's hearing for Chicago White Sox shortstop Juan Uribe to give prosecutors more time to investigate a farmer's allegations he shot him and another Italian man last October.

The 27-year-old defendant is at spring training in Arizona and did not appear at the court in San Cristobal province.

White Sox fan Judge Regina Carvajal denied a prosecutors' request to find Uribe in contempt for skipping the hearing and also declined to make him hand over a $15,400 deposit which guaranteed his presence in court since prosecutors are the ones who requested the postponement - which lasts until July.

Looks like Uribe will have nothing to worry about until mid-season.

[ESPN] | [Lowdown on Uribe]

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Blah Blah Steroids

Just when you think the recent steroid probe can't get any worse, you hear the news of former major league pitcher Darren Holmes joining the list of athletes linked to the nationwide investigation.

It's been reported by Sports Illustrated that Holmes received somatropin, a form of HGH, and testosterone from Palm Beach Rejuvenation in October of 2003. Holmes, a journeyman who spent 13 years in the majors, played for eight different clubs and last pitched in 2003 with a career record of 35-33.

Holmes admitted that he ordered and received the HGH, but never used it, "I'm being as honest as a cheater I can." He claims that he ordered the HGH as an alternative to his shoulder pain. When the box came in the mail, his wife asked him if he was sure he really wanted to take them, which apparently changed his mind.

The growing list of athletes linked to the scandal include current players Gary Matthews Jr., Jerry Hairston Jr. and David Bell, former major leaguers and , heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield, Pittsburgh Steelers doctor Richard Rydze, 1996 Olympic wrestling gold medalist and professional badass Kurt Angle along with the veiny sweaty bodybuilder, .

On Thursday, 54-year-old Daniel McGlone, the owner of a New Jersey pharmaceutical company, was arraigned on drug-related and money-laundering charges in a separate Rhode Island federal steroids investigation. He pleaded not guilty, of course, on the charges of 80 counts of health care fraud, conspiracy and illegal drug distribution along with 51 counts of money laundering.

When customers called asking for steroids, he allegedly paid two doctors - Ana Maria Santi and Victor Mariani - to write medically unnecessary prescriptions for the substances.

[] | []

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