Top Ten Things Babes Love Baseball is Thankful for in 2011
10. A nice hot stove. Although Marea's favorite NFL team sucks ass this season, Sooze's is doing quite well. The best actually. But there have been other MLB offseasons in which football has not gotten us through the winter. Not even close. And it's because of the NFL's blatant disregard for happiness that we are incredibly thankful for MLB Network. Best. Channel. Ever.
9. The Dugout: The Official Chatroom of Major League Baseball. If you haven't read one of these little gems, you are totally missing out. In fact, we're disgusted with you. Just click the link.
8. Players like C.J. Wilson. Without guys like him to make fun of, this blog would be boring as hell and we probably would've given up a long time ago. Thanks, buddy.
7. The Youtubes. Thank you to all you nerds out there who tirelessly post videos of protected content that you know MLB will be taking down in just a matter of time. We enjoy them while we can.
6. Jim Thome. He is honestly the only player in the history of BLB to be over 40 and not be ridiculed for it. We just love him to pieces and we're super happy he signed on with the Phillies to play one more season.
5. Fatasses like CC Sabathia. With players like Pablo Sandoval going on salad diets, and Bengie Molina retiring, Captain Cheeseburger is pretty much the only fatass left in the big leagues. We want to snuggle him so hard. Prince Fielder's beard accounts for more than a fair share of his weight, and he scares the crap out of us, so we're gonna leave him out of this.
4. Mustaches. We've always loved facial hair, but players in recent years have really taken it to a whole new level. Derek Holland, stop it right now. Isn't it embarrassing enough to go through puberty on national television? Quit drawing attention to yourself.
3. Douchebags. As much as we love to make fun of them, it's guys like Roger Clemens and Jason Giambi who somehow weasel their way back into the news after retirement. Wait... Giambi still plays baseball? Gross.
2 1/2. That last one reminded us of how much we dislike Brian Wilson's antics, but how much we like to mock dorks like him. We are forever indebted to Bud Norris for agreeing with us and having the cojones to call him out via Twitter. High five.
2. Nyjer Morgan. What an asshole.
1. The postseason. Do you think you'll ever see another day like Wild Card Wednesday during the rest of your life? Don't count on it with the stupid realignment and two extra Wild Cards by 2013. Also, Game 6 of the World Series was mind-blowing. It went from fiasco to instant classic, and we definitely peed a little while we watched. Thank you Cardinals and Rangers.
Honorable mention: Ozzie Guillen. Although we can't understand half the shit that comes out of his censorless mouth, we love him and can't wait to see what shenanigans ensue next season in Miami.
But seriously, we love our followers, friends, and all of you amazingly witty commenters to death. Where would we be without all of you yahoos? Probably drunk and naked in an alley somewhere. So thanks. Don't drink and drive.