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C.J. Wilson May Take His Straightedge Hipster Act to Anaheim and Pitch for the Angels


As if Cliff Lee ditching the Texas Rangers via free agency in 2010 wasn't a punch in the gut, now it seems C.J. Wilson is about to be a right hook to the nuts of Arlington.

The lefty ace and his stupid hipster winter hat/groomsman get-up must be enjoying free agency an awful lot. Rumor has it after a recent trip to California, he's getting awfully chummy with the Los Angeles Angels.

Wilson has a super secret meeting scheduled with the Angels' front office for this coming Monday, which will surely be the end of what could have been a beautiful re-signing in Texas. Everyone saw this one coming, though. Not only was he born and raised in Southern California, he also trains there in the offseason and loves to call the place home. One thing he does not do in beautiful, fun Southern Cali is enjoy the nightlife. Or day-drink. Two things I would do a lot of if I lived there.

You see, C.J. Wilson is what we like to refer to as "lame." He likes to refer to himself as "straightedge" -- which was only cool in the 90s when we were like 11 and couldn't reach the liquor cabinet yet.

Never, under any circumstances, trust a man who doesn't drink. Unless he has a great story about a transvestite and a lamp shade from his last known inebriation.

If Wilson and his self-induced sobriety do join the Angels, he will inevitably face his former team on several occasions, since they are bitter division rivals and everything. It's going to be awesome.

Whether we trust this guy or not, he's still pretty good at throwing baseballs. Wilson went 16-7 last season with a 2.94 ERA over 34 starts, before a lackluster postseason in which his ERA bloated to 5.79 after allowing 21 runs and 19 walks over just 28 innings pitched. Some folks just can't take the pressure I guess... which is exactly what alcohol was made for.

Cheers.

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5 comments:

Megs said...

Good riddance. That guy is a mo-ron.