Season Previews: Detroit Tigers

With Opening Day just a couple days away, we're finishing up with one of our favorite things in all the world: . Four years ago, they began as a semi-serious analysis and ended up as half-assed haiku. We're just gonna go with what we know. Kicking off our preview of the American League Central, here are the Detroit Tigers.

Jose Valverde
Scares the crap out of hitters
Joaquin Benoit too

Justin Verlander,
Max Scherzer, and Brad Penny
In the rotation

Coke in the bullpen
Until the Home Opener
Porcello to start

Victor Martinez
Will beef up the offense and
Catch with Avila

Fans say Oh My Boesch!
Magglio Ordonez has
Luscious locks of hair

Jackson in center
No shortage of outfielders
With Raburn in left

Peralta and Rhymes
Tag-teaming up the middle
Brandon Inge at third

Miguel Cabrera
Had another eventful
Booze-fueled offseason

Jimmy Leyland is
One of the few old schoolers
Managing today

The AL Central
Is gonna be neck-and-neck
Again this season

[Detroit 4 Lyfe] | [] | [Motor City Bengals]


Jaclyn said...

Oh My Boesch! Something tells me you've been to Comerica. :)

Bassmaster said...

Coke in the bullpen? These guys sure know how to party!

In all seriousness, great preview ladies.

Marea said...

I heart the magnum p.i. pic.

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure it is spelled Raburn. No Y.

Sooze said...

Thanks "anonymous" I can get pretty phonetic sometimes.

KT said...

Me too Sooze. It's from being a kindergarten teacher - no lie, I spell shit wrong constantly because I'm too busy sounding out the word. That, or I suck at spelling.

Nice haikus, either way.

Anonymous said...

Love them! However, Avila has one "l" not two!

Sooze said...

Holy shit, I am on a ROLL. Thanks "anonymous #2" :)

Bacon is better said...

I can tell you're a Twins fan with all this cavalier attitude towards the correct spelling of Tigers players names...

Just kidding. Great preview! It's nice to read something different for a change.