Ozzie Strokes Cubbies, Fans with Kindness

The thoughtful Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox skipper, had nothing but a string of pleasantries to help soothe the utterly deflated egos of the Cubs organization and the fans.

"I think they went out and played their heart out. They just got beat," said the Ozzie tenderly, while pleasuring himself under the table during the interview. "The expectations were so high. It's not easy as a player to come every day with 'This is the year. This is the year.' Well, what if this isn't the year? What if 'the year' is next year?"

Apparently Ozzie even sent a text message to Carlos Zambrano after the Dodgers won 3-1 on Saturday. He told him to keep his head up, don't let upcoming criticism get him down. This from the same man who told White Sox closer Bobby Jenks in 2006, "When you're fat and you're good, you're a strong guy...When you're fat and you're horse-shit, you're fat."

Just doesn't add up, somehow. Maybe Zambrano would appreciate some whipped cream on that thick slice of sarcasm pie, Ozzie.

And I am sure the Cub fans would totally dig your loving tirade about their ever-cursed team when/if you decide to "run down the streets of Chicago naked," as you alluded you might do earlier in the year.

"I have friends over there and I know how the people in this city are. The expectations were so high. I don't know how they handled it."

Probably with a bottle of booze, Ozzie. The same bottle you'd have to avoid being hit with as you streak down West Addison.


tcp said...

Ozzie might want to avoid public places in Chicago for the next 5 years or so. Maybe he can find Steve
Bartman and shack up with him, he seems to stay hidden from the public eye pretty well these days.