Ow! My Pride!

With Milwaukee Brewers sad excuse for a closer Eric Gagne out indefinitely with rotator cuff tendinitis, we felt Ned Yost might need some help with deciding how to fill his shoes.

Here are a couple of exciting candidates who are more than willing and just as qualified for the role as Gagne. Choose wisely, Mr. Yost.

The Bratwurst: Don't let the green Austro-Bavarian lederhosen fool you, this overly-aggressive sausage of German descent is built like a brick house. Bratt Wurst's racing profile states "he is intimidating to the other participants with his muscular physique" which is perfect when your closer is also your set up man and has to pitch like, 3 innings.

Strength: has drunk-man strength and an obscenely high pain tolerance
Weakness: submerges himself in Miller Lite before every meal

The Polish Sausage: Think the Polish Sausage is the underdog? Think again! This dude may take it easy when the race begins, and he may be wearing sunglasses -- for Corey Hart, of course -- or maybe they're eye patches? Regardless, he can't be any worse than Eric Gagne.

Strength: Wears his sunglasses at night.
Weakness: Is Polish.

We hear Bernie Brewer may also be available during the top half of innings at home, as well.

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Anonymous said...

The tags 'sausages' and 'sucking sound' together at last.