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5.07.2008

The Barry Bonds Conspiracy

It sucks to be picked last.
Everyone is in on it. All of major league baseball got together and decided not to sign Barry Bonds.

At least, that's what the Player's Association is wondering. The union so far has held off on filing a collusion grievance on behalf of the troubled outfielder, but have expressed concern regarding the number of offers he's received since becoming a free agent... which is zero.

They needn't waste their time and money on a witch-hunt, however. We'll be happy to tell you why no one has signed The new Home Run King!

Common sense tells us that teams without a proper designated hitter or left fielder probably can't afford one. Since Bonds isn't willing to play for the league minimum, we have ourselves a conundrum. Common sense also tells us that Bonds is older than dirt, injury prone, and chock full of drama.

He also does not sign autographs for children and even Cher thinks his contract demands and clauses are ridiculous.

We're pretty sure you can stick a fork Barry's career.

[AP] | [Undrafted Free Agent] | [Pro Athletes Only]


1 Comment:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Is it wrong that I kind of wish there was a conspiracy? That would be funny. He would kind of deserve it for being such a jerk.