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Extra P. Has a Plan

The ExtrapolaterThe Extrapolater, one of my personal heroes, really needs no introduction. He has brought us such goodies as Voodoo Sabermetrics -- the breakdown of players by a motley crew of bloggers -- and Smells Like Pujols, which rates rookies against the ridiculous 2001 stats of Prince Albert.

Let's also please not fail to mention the Porn Name All-Stars, which you'll just have to check out for yourself.

He also writes for a million other places, including Chicago Sports Weekly and a kickass college hoops blog entitled Storming the Floor, where he is Associate Editor. So, without further ado, here is this Saturday's guest author: the always sharp Extra P., himself.


A Simple Plan: Bring Ricky Williams Back to Baseball

Sooze's poor photoshopping at work: yes, that's supposed to be a bong.Ricky, buddy. I have a proposition for you. I’ve been watching the comeback attempts, and they’re clearly not working. Let’s face it, football is too violent and unfeeling for a contemplative soul like yours.

So here’s my thought. Come back to baseball. Think about it… the fresh-cut grass, the leisurely at-bats, trippy mascots, and the extra meditation time in the dugout? If you need added incentive, I’m sure we could talk some minor-league team into an all-hemp uniform – they love wacky shit like that in the minors. Anything to fill the seats.

It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that you’d rather be Muckdog or a Boll Weevil than a Dolphin – any day. And once your torn chest muscle heals, I’m sure you could get your stroke back. Or, well, hopefully improve it a bit, if we’re being honest.

I think the High-A California League would be best for your particular… idiom. It’s a nice little ten-team league, and you’d never be too far from the Ayurveda Institute. You’ll love the team names, too. The Bakersfield Blaze… get it? Or maybe the High Desert Mavericks are more to your liking.

But there’s really only one team for you, Ricky.

You were born to suit up for the Modesto Nuts.

Just think about it. That’s all I ask.

[The Extrapolater]


3 Comments:

Sooze said...

What an amazing idea! Really, he could just go play with the Nats and hang with Da Meat Hook...