For those living under a rock, the world's most noble humanitarian, eer, I mean, selfish sack of hog feces, Roger Clemens has decided he has to push his first start back with the Bronx Bums a few days due to a "fatigued right groin muscle." So ladies and germs, we at Babes Love Baseball bring you the top ten possible causes of a fatigued groin muscle.
10. Goddamn Andy Pettitte has been on the road, actually WITH HIS TEAM, and there's been no one to rub Warm Vanilla Sugar Bath and Body Works Lotion all over his hairy inner thighs that reek of a Manhattan bum in mid-July.
9. Took a spill while attempting to show LeBron James that The Rocket is God's gift to sports.
8. Took a spill when charging towards what he thought was a half-eaten cheeseburger. Turns out it was A-Rod's jockstrap.
7. Swung and missed while attempting to kick Kyle Farnsworth in the ass.
6. El Duque challenged him to a "Yoga-Off," and he had some difficulty with the Downward Dog position.
5. Attempted a Banana Split on Alex Rodriguez when laying the beat down over A-Rod's dominance of the news last week.
4. Son Kody pulled too hard during a wheelbarrow race at annual family reunion, or Rogerpaloozza.
3. Decided to do one squat for every million of his 2007 contract. Soon realized he's almost 45.
2. Slipped when "right leg on red" came up during one of his nightly games of naked Twister with Andy Pettitte.
1. Was attempting the solo version Ratipasha (look it up) to NY tabloid back pages, and audio tapes of Suzyn Waldman during his comeback announcement.
Posted by Lizzy on Sunday, June 03, 2007