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3.19.2007

You Think Your Friends Are Assholes...

Gerald Laird was escorted out of the Texas Rangers clubhouse in handcuffs by two police officers on Sunday.

There was a rumor floating around that a high school classmate of Laird had claimed she was the mother of his baby, and he was being taken downtown for a paternity test.

As reporters chased after him, asking what was going on, Laird panicked. "There's no way," the confused catcher said, "I have no idea."

"Hey, Gerald, I'll call my attorney for you!" Sammy Sosa yelled from across the clubhouse.

Teammate Jerry Hairston asked permission to give Laird a message, hopping into the backseat of the squad car. That's when he was told he had been the victim of one of the most elaborate practical jokes in Rangers' history.

This may top the stunt pulled two years ago, when a police officer pulled over Hank Blalock in a 35-mph zone, claiming he was clocked at 59, and that he would go straight to the big house if he didn't stop arguing.

Laird immediately began to point fingers, the longest at Hairston. "There will be payback," Laird said. "J-Hair, it's going to be a long year for him."

Calling someone "J-Hair" in public is a good start, but it will be interesting to see what he'll come up with... maybe call Dominican immigration on Sammy?

[MLB News]

10 comments:

Bassmaster said...

That would suck.

Megs said...

Hairston has already been named in that SI.com steroids investigation... I'm sure Laird could work with that.

peterpeter said...

Jerry Hairston, Jr. is a dick. On HGH.

Anonymous said...

laird should steal hairston's HGH supply. of course, no one would even notice the drop in production.

Anonymous said...

Shut the hell up, fucksticks! Little jealous that you have no athletic ability? Go eat your twinkies.....you fat fucks!!

Sooze said...

Since anonymous commenter #2 is so brave, I will refrain from striking his comment from the record.

Even though his/her aggression makes little or no sense, it's kinda funny... and we like us some funny around here.

You fat fucksticks!

Fat Megs said...

Hahahaha!!

Communist Dan said...

I think Jerry Hairston Jr. may be a reader of this blog after reading anonymous comment #2. That's surprising to me because I had no idea J-Hair could read. Also, "fuckstick" is what he usually calls his bat when he strikes out 100 times a season while hitting .220.

SteveJeltzFan said...

Practical joke? That's how I found out I was going to be a daddy.

Sooze said...

Oh my goodness.