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2.20.2007

Johnny Damon Has The IQ Of Toast

Red Sox Nation has more reasons to boo Judas Damon when he returns to Fenway this year.

Damon told MLB.com today that "he's always wanted to be a Yankee, even back when he played for the Royals."

Obviously, Daddy Steinbrenner would have understood his stripper-banging, clubhouse Jack Daniels swilling, lumberjack bead wearing ways. As Dan Shaugnessy once said, Johnny Damon has the depth of your average kiddie pool. As much as it may make your average Yankee fan die a little inside, Damon didn't sign with the Yankees because they are such an amazing organization, he went so he could continue to afford breast lifts for his "not a former stripper" wife. Come on, if Tampa Bay had offered him $20 million a year, he would have happily settled winning 5 or 6 games a season.

Damon also told MLB.com that his six-week-old daughter is already balancing and standing, and claims she will be walking by six months. I hope she ends up just as smart as her daddy.


Source: MLB

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rich says you're just pissed Damon didn't pick you to be his trophy wife. (I think he's just intimidated by your biting wit ;) Love, Martha

Maryland Orioles' Fan said...

Damon is awesome --- we can't diss on him...

Sooze said...

Mother Teresa could play for the Yankees and Lizzy would find a way to hate her.

ian said...

I don't remember Damon ever playing for the Red Sox

Flash said...

It's a good thing the baby is already an athletic phenomenon. With all the money Johnny will be spending on his wife's cosmetic upkeep, there won't be enough left to send that little girl to college.

ian said...

i've heard when he was (reportedly) in boston, he had never seen his stripper wife without makeup on.

wilderness111 said...

Isn't it wonderful to finally see him now? After all of his bawling last year, now he's decided he wants to be loved by his new fans, so he makes up all of this garbage to ingratiate himself to them. And they'll believe him, because they don't know the real him yet. Hell, I don't even think he knows the real him yet.